At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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