do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
