can u get pink eye on your cock?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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