He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
