she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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