If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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