my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
