did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize