She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
