I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
