We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
