Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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