took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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