he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize