Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
