I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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