so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
