One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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