Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
