What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
