Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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