I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
