hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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