hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
