Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
