Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
