I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
