I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
