oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
