1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
