I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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