So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
