i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
