Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
