bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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