i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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