I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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