Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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