Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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