currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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