they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
