jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
