She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
