My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
