she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
