Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
