So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
