And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
