What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
