will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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