You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize