i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
