Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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