I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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