I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
