Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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