I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
