I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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