I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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