the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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