And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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