She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
love makes seman taste better
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
