please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
