i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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