She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
false alarm, still single
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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