Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
