I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize