Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
