I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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