Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
