we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
