I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
