i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize