if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
