I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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