i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize