wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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