Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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