Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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