Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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