I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
